For best effect, read the last sentence of each paragraph in the voice of Crow T. Robot.
I'm choosing to believe that 'mother' is a ghost. Or the devil. She appears whenever you say 'backache'.Oh my god, she's here!!!! Arrrrrgggghhhhh!
WHOOO I'M A GHOST WHY DON'T YOU TRY DODD'S PILLS WHOOOOOOO (RATTLE) WHOOOOO
Dodd's is probably the Canadian counterpart to Doan's Pills, formerly advertised as a kidney treatment.